Down

Down

–

I can feel it

Insanity

Dragging me

Down

Down into the abyss

into

Oblivion

Can you feel it?

Madness

Tugging and pulling

Tearing me apart

Limb by limb

Until

There’s nothing

Left

To save

Can you see it?

Lunacy

Taking over me

Concealing

My identity

Nullifying

All feelings

I can’t escape it

Craziness

Lost in

A delirium

Insane illusions

Dominating

Every thought

Drowning

In depressive waves

Stray over

Desolated paths

I can feel it

Anxiety

Dragging me

Down

Down

Down

Into nothingness…

–

Just Patty

Stuck in a Loop

Stuck in a Loop

–

Don’t try to

Unravel

The thoughts

In my mind

You will get

Lost

It’s a twisted

Chaos

Of random trivialities

All stuck in a

Loop

A rough sea

Of memories

All entwined

There’s no beginning

No end

Stuck in a

Loop

Don’t try to

Find me

It’s too dark

Inside

A desert of

Melancholy

An illogical puzzle

That can’t be

Solved

A mysterious labyrinth

Of confusing

Feelings

Stuck in a

Loop

Don’t try to

Fix

My heart

It’s broken

Beyond repair

Love withered

All that’s left

Is an echo

An illusion

Just

Don’t come

Close

You will only

get stuck in a

Loop

–

Just Patty

 

Throwback Thursday: The Darkness Inside

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017!

Hey everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to share my highlights of 2016 with you 🙂

I had a pretty awesome year!

Sure, there were some bumps on the road, but an awesome year for sure. 🙂

I know that I have not been around much because I’ve been so busy, so I want to thank you all for sticking around ❤

First of all, my third fantasy book and the last one in the Drägan Duma trilogy got published in June!

I had a great book presentation and am pretty proud of myself and my hubby for making this possible 🙂

It’s such a great feeling to finish a trilogy!

The love of my life ❤ I owe him a lot!

I have been to many events to promote and sign my books

Had a lot of fun with Team Celtica and met a lot of new people 🙂

We went to Curacao because our friends got married there! ❤

The day I saw my uncle on stage at Parkpop (a large festival in Holland) is one of the happiest days of my life. Not only did our uncle survive a terrible accident, he even managed to perform life on stage again within the year!

And my nephew Justin released his first CD, I am a very proud aunt!

Because of my PTSD some things are very hard for me.

I don’t like to be around a lot of people, I don’t like to be the center of attention and I am always wanting to stay where it’s “safe”.

But this year I did a lot of things that are way out of my comfort zone!

I have been a guest on a radio show for example! 🙂

And I did a book pitch on stage. (This was soooo scary!)

Another thing I’ve never done before is going on a roadtrip with a friend.

I am so glad that I did this, it was awesome! (thanks to Jeffrey, who has been such a great friend to me.)

We took a leap of faith with each other and I am so glad we did. I can’t even explain what this guy means to me! ❤

 

You guys know he’s a writer too, right? Check out his blog at www.jeffreydebris.com 🙂

And last but not least, we’ve sold 1000 books of Zij Die Hoort, the first book in the series! 🙂

(in Holland, that’s a lot lol!)

I can’t help but thinking back at the times I thought that my life would never get better. The times I felt like I was living in a nightmare. 

But it did get better. Way better!

So, for everyone who is still having a hard time; hold on, keep fighting. It will be worth it some day ❤

Wishing you all an awesome, magical and loving 2017!

Lots of love,

Patty

Shadows

 

Shadows

–

Shadows

Behind my eyes

In my head

My mind

Twisting

Shivering

In agony

Shadows

Dragging me down

To the depths

Of my past

My soul

Suffering

I am

Drowning

In memories

Everything

Black and white

Shadows

Taking over me

My heart

Breaking

Aching

I am hiding

Deep inside

Where

The shadows

Are

Swallowing me

Can’t escape

Or

Find the light

I am blind

Blinded

By shadows…

–

Just Patty

 

Poem for today: Dark Side

Dark Side

–

How can you say that you love me

If you don’t want to see my dark side?

The part of me that’s covered in sadness

If you can’t handle that I’m broken?

Splinters of the life I lived

Times I endured

Nightmares that came to life

If you don’t want to share real things with me?

The things that matter

If you are not there for me?

Through the dark times

The laughter and tears

If you don’t want to see the real me and show me the real you…

How can you say that you love me?

–

Just Patty

 

 

Throwback Thursday: Like a Raven

On Throwback Thursdays I want to share some older Poems and Posts of me.

This one I wrote for NaPoWriMo this year.

Like a Raven

–

My mind has been dark for a long time

Like a Raven’s feathers

Maybe it’s time to let go

Get the burden of my shoulders

 

A heart lost in the shadows

Like a Raven circling around

Maybe I need to get back up

Turn my life around

 

My thoughts have been swirling

Like a Raven in full flight

Maybe it’s time to take control again

Start a new fight

 

A soul captivated and sad

Like a Raven with a broken wing

Maybe I should set it free

Take a chance on healing

 

My feelings have been locked away

Like a Raven who can’t touch the sky

Maybe I should open my heart again

Stop living on stand-by

 

So, I will spread my dark wings

Like a Raven in the night

Maybe I will fly instead of fall today

And everything will be alright…

–

Just Patty

Throwback Thursday:

On Throwback Thursdays I want to share some older Poems and Posts of me.

This time, I want to share my very first poem I posted on this blog that I’ve written, modeled for, photographed and edited all by myself.

Wow! Seems so long ago, but it only has been 2 years! 🙂

A poem for PTSD Awareness: What’s Left of Me…

What’s left of me

 –

I am sick of feeling

All these things I can’t change

It’s strangling

Suffocating

What’s left of me

 

I am tired of falling

Into the dark depths of my mind

It’s destroying

Demolishing

What’s left of me

 

I am done taking

Everything life throws at me

It’s annihilating

Smashing

What’s left of me

 

I am finishing

This journey of mine

I am ending

Exterminating

What’s left of me…

–

Just Patty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dark poetry: Comfortably Numb

 

Comfortably Numb

–

Hiding behind

Dead eyes

An iron heart

To prevent

Falling apart

and

Losing my

Mind

Silent tears

Pushing back

No one can see

The mess

That is me

and

My haunting

Fears

Steel protection

Not showing

What I feel

Pushing away

Affection

and

what is

Real

Slipping away

Inside myself

A lost phantom

Painfully vanishing

Today

and

become comfortably

Numb…

–

Just Patty