I am a difficult person to be friends with.
Now, I see some people who read this raise their eyebrows, so let me explain why.
By nature, I’m a kind person. But I am not a friendly person. I keep people on a distance most of the time. Of course, we can hang out and stuff, but I won’t let you come close easy.
And if I let my guard down and let you come close, I will start to love you. And that’s when the trouble starts…
I have a loyalty problem, meaning that I have way too much of it. Once I love you, it mostly is for life. I can’t help that, it’s in my character. But I do expect loyalty in return as well. If you really are my friend, you are my friend to the end. If not, you can just as well pack your bags and leave now.
I also have a temper. If you fuck up, do something stupid, don’t treat yourself well or if I am just mad at you for something, I will tell you! And trust me, I have a big mouth and I can be a real pain in the ass. Or I will stay silent and let you figure out why.
But, if you are my friend, I can fight with you without loving you any less.
Next, I am brutally honest. I don’t lie because, well, I am just not good at it lol. This can come across as blunt or even rude. If you expect sugarcoating, you’re at the wrong bakery.
I am a curious person too. If I like you, I want to know you. So be prepared for a lot of questions! Not because I need to know everything, but just because I like to understand where you are coming from. Makes things a lot easier.
If you need me, I am there for you. No matter what. But, if I need someone, I almost never ask for help. Very annoying, I know. And if I do need someone, I will not be clear about it either.
I am always ‘fine’. You will have to figure it out on your own.
I am stubborn as hell and I do crazy things. If you, as my friend, try to keep me from doing something stupid, it could turn in quite a battle. I will protect you, but I never see it when I need protection myself.
Also, I have PTSD. This comes with a lot of baggage. One of that is that I don’t believe that you will stay. People leave. It’s that simple. Usually, it takes me ages before I will trust you.
PTSD also comes with sudden mood swings, depression, flashbacks or even panic attacks caused by triggers. My mind just works different. I will try to keep you out of that, but I don’t always have it under control. Sooner or later, you will discover the crazy side of me. It makes me a hard person to deal with.
I don’t respond well to compliments either. Not because I don’t like them, I just don’t know how to respond to them.
So you see, I am a difficult friend. But it’s a matter of choice really. I know my flaws. If you can deal with my craziness, don’t give up easy and are willing to stay, I am also a very good one…
Lots of love
Patty
