Down

Down

–

I can feel it

Insanity

Dragging me

Down

Down into the abyss

into

Oblivion

Can you feel it?

Madness

Tugging and pulling

Tearing me apart

Limb by limb

Until

There’s nothing

Left

To save

Can you see it?

Lunacy

Taking over me

Concealing

My identity

Nullifying

All feelings

I can’t escape it

Craziness

Lost in

A delirium

Insane illusions

Dominating

Every thought

Drowning

In depressive waves

Stray over

Desolated paths

I can feel it

Anxiety

Dragging me

Down

Down

Down

Into nothingness…

–

Just Patty

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Stuck in a Loop

Stuck in a Loop

–

Don’t try to

Unravel

The thoughts

In my mind

You will get

Lost

It’s a twisted

Chaos

Of random trivialities

All stuck in a

Loop

A rough sea

Of memories

All entwined

There’s no beginning

No end

Stuck in a

Loop

Don’t try to

Find me

It’s too dark

Inside

A desert of

Melancholy

An illogical puzzle

That can’t be

Solved

A mysterious labyrinth

Of confusing

Feelings

Stuck in a

Loop

Don’t try to

Fix

My heart

It’s broken

Beyond repair

Love withered

All that’s left

Is an echo

An illusion

Just

Don’t come

Close

You will only

get stuck in a

Loop

–

Just Patty

 

Throwback Thursday: The Darkness Inside

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017!

Hey everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to share my highlights of 2016 with you 🙂

I had a pretty awesome year!

Sure, there were some bumps on the road, but an awesome year for sure. 🙂

I know that I have not been around much because I’ve been so busy, so I want to thank you all for sticking around ❤

First of all, my third fantasy book and the last one in the Drägan Duma trilogy got published in June!

I had a great book presentation and am pretty proud of myself and my hubby for making this possible 🙂

It’s such a great feeling to finish a trilogy!

The love of my life ❤ I owe him a lot!

I have been to many events to promote and sign my books

Had a lot of fun with Team Celtica and met a lot of new people 🙂

We went to Curacao because our friends got married there! ❤

The day I saw my uncle on stage at Parkpop (a large festival in Holland) is one of the happiest days of my life. Not only did our uncle survive a terrible accident, he even managed to perform life on stage again within the year!

And my nephew Justin released his first CD, I am a very proud aunt!

Because of my PTSD some things are very hard for me.

I don’t like to be around a lot of people, I don’t like to be the center of attention and I am always wanting to stay where it’s “safe”.

But this year I did a lot of things that are way out of my comfort zone!

I have been a guest on a radio show for example! 🙂

And I did a book pitch on stage. (This was soooo scary!)

Another thing I’ve never done before is going on a roadtrip with a friend.

I am so glad that I did this, it was awesome! (thanks to Jeffrey, who has been such a great friend to me.)

We took a leap of faith with each other and I am so glad we did. I can’t even explain what this guy means to me! ❤

 

You guys know he’s a writer too, right? Check out his blog at www.jeffreydebris.com 🙂

And last but not least, we’ve sold 1000 books of Zij Die Hoort, the first book in the series! 🙂

(in Holland, that’s a lot lol!)

I can’t help but thinking back at the times I thought that my life would never get better. The times I felt like I was living in a nightmare. 

But it did get better. Way better!

So, for everyone who is still having a hard time; hold on, keep fighting. It will be worth it some day ❤

Wishing you all an awesome, magical and loving 2017!

Lots of love,

Patty

Can you handle (all of me)

Can you handle (all of me)
–
Do you
Give up easily?
Or will you
Stand by me
As I drift away
Get lost inside
My mind
Can you
Cope with crazy?
Or will you
Just leave me
When I fight
My battle
To stay sane
Are you
Strong and trustworthy?
Or are you
Scared by obscurity
The darkness
That dwells inside
My soul
Do you
Understand genuinely?
Or did you
Just not see
The broken parts
Obscure melancholy
That is my heart
Do you
Really love me?
Or are you
Attracted to
Paradoxical mystery
Balancing on the edge
Of insanity
Can you
Handle me?
Or will you
Hide anxiously
When you eventually
get to know
All of me…
–
Just Patty 

Shadows

 

Shadows

–

Shadows

Behind my eyes

In my head

My mind

Twisting

Shivering

In agony

Shadows

Dragging me down

To the depths

Of my past

My soul

Suffering

I am

Drowning

In memories

Everything

Black and white

Shadows

Taking over me

My heart

Breaking

Aching

I am hiding

Deep inside

Where

The shadows

Are

Swallowing me

Can’t escape

Or

Find the light

I am blind

Blinded

By shadows…

–

Just Patty

 

Relapse

Relapse

–

Broken promises

Not one

I could keep

The road to salvation

Is much too steep

I am

into deep

The poison

Is what’s strangling me

Seduces me

Every time

Comforting numbness

Day after day

Another lost mission

A mind let astray

I am

drifting away

I lie and betray

The sanction

Is my lost mind

Falling behind

Every damn time

I relapse

–

Just Patty