Dark Duet: A Final Nightmare (River of Damnation)

For this duet, I had the pleasure to work with a writer whose work I truly adore.

My friend John —> http://jmc813.wordpress.com/

He writes some awesome poetry and is an inspiring and wonderful person!

Check out his site and you will know exactly what I mean.

Thank John, for the pleasure of working with you and your great personality!

Lots of love

Patty

A Final Nightmare (River of Damnation) 

In the darkest of my hours, close to midnight

When I close my eyes, longing for a merciful dream

All I get is Nightmare’s solid bite

And my mind floats downstream

 

Behind guise of sleep my eyes pierce the veil of night’s tide

As I follow my consciousness down this passage dark

A shiny penny for the ferryman secures my ride

Along the rivers fiery current I shall embark

 

The movement of the waves sooth my withered heart

While the whispers of death guide my trip

Mind and body slowly drift apart

Strangely, I feel calm on this dead man’s ship

 

Flames reflect in liquid pools of Limbo’s estuary

As the faces of lost souls look up from below

Cast out into nothingness, no hope for sanctuary

I feel their grief, the emptiness they surely know

 

I wonder what will be my destiny

When this unbelievable journey comes to an end

Shall I burn or can I finally be free?

In which direction will my soul be sent?

 

Reflections in the depths of my life misspent

I watch my history dance in the rivers flow

My penance for wrongful deeds and what they meant

Too late for remorse as terror of hell-fire starts to grow

 

I see the consequences of a life lived in vain

An endless road of cowardly hiding away

In the end, all that remains is the pain

As I pass through this Devil’s gateway     

– John & Just Patty –

Dark Poetry repost: My Destiny

Dark poetry repost: In my dreams

It’s my 1 year blog anniversary today!!! :)

Hurray!!!

It’s my 1 year blog anniversary today!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

When WordPress informed me so kindly about this with this lovely pic:

I was like:

I honestly never would have thought that this whole blogging experience of mine would last a whole year!!!

I get bored pretty easily lol…

But it did and I am still doing it! Loving it!

When I started blogging last year, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with a blog.

Just a little space to place my photos and a bit of my writings on I guess.

I wasn’t planning on showing you guys so much of me, so I started quite shy.

My First Blog Post 

As you can see, it’s in Dutch. Lol, how could I know most of you speak English around here? I had never blogged before and I didn’t really want to connect with people either.

Yea, I’m weird, I know…

 

Anyways, where was I? O yea! It’s my first Blog anniversary! 🙂

Can’t get enough of that lol! 🙂

Funny thing, I did connect on here. With some amazing people!

I have always been quite on my own, never really belonged somewhere. (other than my family)

But to my surprise, I found some friends on here with who I really connected!

Maybe because you’re my kind of crazy? Lol. 😉

Anyways, because of some blogs I read and people I talked to, I took a really big step (for me at least) to show you a bit of who I am.

I wrote The Hardest Post For Me Ever 

Throughout this year of blogging, I met amazing people, met friends, lost friends, learned a hell of a lot about writing and about myself, got to know myself better and became more and more comfortable with who I really am.

 

Because of what I have been through and my PTSD, I had actually forgot who I really was.

But now I am proud to be me! 🙂

A lot can happen in one year. (actually, a lot always happens in one of my years, my life is kind of a crazy rollercoaster!) but a lot can also change in one year. And for me, it really has. I am not a teacher anymore, but I am a writer who’s about to publish two books.

A poetry book in English and a fantasy novel in Dutch.

And somehow I gained more than 600 followers now! Really awesome!

I got awards and dedications which I all love so very much.

You can find those over HERE 

I have never felt this strong and confident in my life. And writing dark poetry really helps me to stay positive and at least a bit of sane! 🙂

Before I started to write dark poetry, the darkness was already inside me. Always lurking right beneath the surface, waiting till I lost my strength so it could consume me. Because I let it out now every once in a while by writing, I was able to tame the beast and be the person who I am today. Just Me, without restrictions or suppression.

 

So I write mostly dark now. And I love it! 🙂

One of my earlier Dark Poems: Darkness Takes Over

I am very certain that I couldn’t have done all this without all of you, so I really would like to thank you all for sticking by me and support me on this crazy journey!

And I also would like to thank some of you who I really consider to be close friends now. You know who you are! Thank you so much for everything you have done for me. I luvz ya lots!

And I love blogging! 🙂

So here’s to another year of blogging!

 

Lots of Love

Patty

Dark Poetry: Delirium called Life

Delirium called Life

A mind wandering through the catacombs of sanity

Deprived of all humanity

Longing for the merciful death so eagerly

Reason torn up by strife

 

Feelings swept away by hungry madness

Overgrown by consuming coldness

Demanding the last heartbeat so anxious

Going berserk in overdrive

 

A soul being drenched in unescapable death

This lifeless story been read

Hoping for that ever ending last breath

Mistakenly still alive

 

Senses roaming through blinding emptiness

Filled with horrifying absurdness

Of a deserted life liven in pitiful loneliness

A place no one can survive

 

A heart beating steady on the rhythm of hatred

Bloodless thoughts, sick and twisted

Painful, destructive sorrow that never ended

In this ongoing delirium called Life

– Just Patty –

Cover Reveal!

The cover for my poetry book My Wings

My Wings is a collection of poetry written by the heart and soul of Just Patty, the poet name of the Dutch writer Patty van Delft.

This collection contains two parts: My Dark Wings & My Light Wings.

Part 1: My Dark Wings is a collection of dark poetry describing some very recognizable emotions like: grief, fear, frustration, melancholy, depression, but also the strength and courage to battle on no matter what.

Part 2: My Light Wings is a collection of light poetry containing motivation, love, support and the will to enjoy life.

This poetry book is illustrated with some amazing black & white photographic artwork made by the author herself.

Lots of Love

Patty

Battling a Memory Monster

Today, I would like to tell you a bit about the Memory Monster you can encounter.

It’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

This particular monster will haunt you after you experience something very traumatic.

First of all, let’s see what the specialists can tell us about this monster:

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that may develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as sexual assault, serious injury, witnessing the death of a loved one, losing someone close or the threat of death. The diagnosis may be given when a group of symptoms such as disturbing recurring flashbacks, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event continue for more than a month after the traumatic event.

That just sucks! You already have experienced something awful and afterwards you have to battle this monster as well!

How identify this Monster

After a traumatic experience, it’s normal to feel frightened, sad, anxious, and disconnected. But if the upset doesn’t fade and you feel stuck with a constant sense of danger and painful memories, you may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can seem like you’ll never get over what happened or feel normal again. Your mind becomes a dark place.

The symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can arise suddenly, gradually, or come and go over time. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell.
While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are three main types of symptoms:

1. Re-experiencing the traumatic event
2. Avoiding reminders of the trauma
3. Increased anxiety and emotional arousal

Symptoms of PTSD: Re-experiencing the traumatic event

• Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
• Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
• Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
• Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
• Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)

Symptoms of PTSD: Avoidance and numbing

• Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
• Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
• Loss of interest in activities and life in general
• Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
• Sense of a limited future (you don’t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)

Symptoms of PTSD: Increased anxiety and emotional arousal

• Difficulty falling or staying asleep (insomnia)
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Difficulty concentrating
• Hypervigilance (on constant “red alert”)
• Feeling jumpy and easily startled

Other common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Anger
• Guilt, shame or self-blame
• Trust issues
• Change in behavior
• Depression
• Suicidal thoughts and feelings
• Feeling alone
• Physical aches and pain

How to deal with this Monster

Battling this monster yourself

First of all: Do NOT be ashamed! Do not hide and do NOT give up! You are NOT alone!

Treatment for PTSD relieves symptoms by helping you deal with the trauma you’ve experienced. Rather than avoiding the trauma and any reminder of it, treatment will encourage you to recall and process the emotions and sensations you felt during the original event. In addition to offering an outlet for emotions you’ve been bottling up, treatment for PTSD will also help restore your sense of control and reduce the powerful hold the memory of the trauma has on your life.

Types of treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for PTSD and trauma involves carefully and gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts, feelings, and situations that remind you of the trauma. Therapy also involves identifying upsetting thoughts about the traumatic event–particularly thoughts that are distorted and irrational—and replacing them with more balanced picture.
• Family therapy. Since PTSD affects both you and those close to you, family therapy can be especially productive. Family therapy can help your loved ones understand what you’re going through. It can also help everyone in the family communicate better and work through relationship problems caused by PTSD symptoms.
• Medication is  sometimes prescribed to people with PTSD to relieve secondary symptoms of depression or anxiety. Antidepressants such as Prozac and Zoloft are the medications most commonly used for PTSD. While antidepressants may help (you feel less sad, worried, or on edge,) they do not treat the causes of PTSD.
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) incorporates elements of cognitive-behavioral therap with eye movements or other forms of rhythmic, left-right stimulation, such as hand taps or sounds. Eye movements and other bilateral forms of stimulation are thought to work by “unfreezing” the brain’s information processing system, which is interrupted in times of extreme stress.

·         PTSD self-help tips

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can make you feel disconnected from others. You may be tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery from PTSD, so ask your close friends and family members for their help during this tough time. Especially when you relapse on PTSD.
• Also consider joining a support group for survivors of the same type of trauma you experienced. Support groups for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.
• When you’re struggling with difficult emotions and traumatic memories, you may be tempted to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. But while alcohol or drugs may temporarily make you feel better, they make post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) worse in the long run. Substance use worsens many symptoms of PTSD, including emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and depression. It also interferes with treatment and can add to problems at home and in your relationships.
• Overcoming your sense of helplessness is key to overcoming post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times.
•  One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity. Taking positive action directly challenges the sense of helplessness that is a common symptom of PTSD.

When a loved one is battling this Monster:

If a loved one has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it’s essential that you take care of yourself and get extra support. PTSD can take a heavy toll on the family or friendship if you let it. It can be hard to understand why your loved one won’t open up to you—why he or she is less affectionate and more volatile. The symptoms of PTSD can also result in job loss, substance abuse, and other stressful problems.

Letting your loved one’s PTSD dominate your life while ignoring your own needs is a surefire recipe for burnout. In order to take care of your loved one, you first need to take care of yourself. It’s also helpful to learn all you can about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The more you know about the symptoms and treatment options, the better equipped you’ll be to help your loved one and keep things in perspective.

Helping a loved one with PTSD

• Be patient and understanding. Getting better takes time, even when a person is committed to treatment for PTSD. Be patient with the pace of recovery and offer a sympathetic ear. A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again. This is part of the healing process,  so avoid the temptation to tell your loved one to stop rehashing the past and move on. Remember that some people with severe cases of PTSD may never fully recover. Wounds leave scars.
• Try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the trauma; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to offer your support and help your loved one calm down.
• Don’t take the symptoms of PTSD personally. Common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) include emotional numbness, anger, and withdrawal. If your loved  one seems distant, irritable, or closed off, remember that this may not have anything to do with you or your relationship. A lot of people with PTSD will try to push you away, either to protect themselves or to protect you from them.
• Don’t pressure your loved one into talking. It is very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can even make things worse. Never try to force your loved one to open up. Let the person know, however, that you’re there when and if he or she wants to talk.

I am battling PTSD for quite some time now and I can tell you, it’s not an easy battle! This monster is vicious and has an influence on your daily life and of those who love you. It changes you. But you can’t let it win! Keep fighting! And if you ever need someone to talk, just know that I am here and I care. ❤

Most important thing to remember about this Monster: It can attack anyone, so don’t judge, just care!

Lots of Love,

Patty

Dark Poetry Repost: The Darkness is Closing in

Love Poetry? Check it out!

Hey Everybody!

 For those of you who love poetry and especially have an interest in the darker sides of it, I would like you to check out a blog of a friend of mine.

 

His name is Anthonie and he’s a very talented, young poet who’s poetry is written from the soul.

–> http://poeticdepression.wordpress.com/ <–

 

Not only is Anthonie a talented writer, he also made this header for me:

 

Although I use a different header now because my style has changed, I still love it and am thankful that Anthonie made it for me!

You can find some other great headers he made right HERE

Check out his blog guys! I promise you that you won’t be disappointed!

Lots of love,

Patty

Dark Haiku’s Repost