Something painful…

Posted by Just Patty on February 16, 2015
Posted in: abuse, dark poetry, Darkness, emotions, fear, Feelings, Gedichten, information, Life, mental health, photo editing, Photography, Poems, poetry, PTSD, update, Writing. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 100 Comments

Hey everyone,

I am sorry to startle you like this, but I need to tell you something that is very hard and painful to say.

Last Tuesday afternoon I have been attacked by a guy in a park near my house.

He molested me, beat me up and tried to rape me.

I fought back and luckily I succeeded to get away from him.

Don’t worry, my physical injuries are not that serious. Just a lot of bruises and a concussion.  

Mentally, I am not that lucky. Especially because this is not the first time I’ve been abused.

Because I need some time to heal and I don’t really have a clue what this is going to do to my PTSD, I have decided to stop writing on my blog for a while. So, this will be my last poem until I feel better.

Sorry guys.

I will return of course, but for now, I need some time for myself.

Lots of Love,

Patty

attacked

*Warning* May contain triggers!

Attacked
–
Grabbed
Without warning
Hold
Against my will
Hands leave bruises on my
Skin
I fight, but cannot win
Growling
Like the beast you are
Touching
Every inch of me
Hands
on my body
Hell
In my mind
Hurting me
Deeply
Voice, spitting
Anger
I fight, but you are stronger
You’re searching hasty
For what you want to take from me
Closing my eyes because
I don’t want to
See
More pain
Until I go
Insane
Fear and fury unleashed
I fight, and break free
Running, crying
Beat up but never
Broken
I am
Safe
But I know damn well
I won’t be able to run
From another damn
Memory…
–

Just Patty

100 comments on “Something painful…”

  1. Patty, I have just read this now! I am so sorry for your pain and this experience. It’s horrid. How can anyone do something like that. Such a monster. You are so brave to tell us this, lots of people wouldn’t be able to. Your coping strategies are incredible and a credit to you. Most people would not be able to deal with this in the same way. You are an inspiration through a very dark situation. By telling us, you are contributing to setting yourself free from this experience. I think you are so courageous. Thank God you are alive and thank yourself for setting yourself physically free from this. You are one amazing woman and a kind and gentle soul. xxxxxx Huge hugs for you and lots of love.

    I am understanding you have never seen this guy before? Are you able to say which park it was, to make other’s aware.

    Reply

    • Thank you.
      I think that it’s very important to share our stories, even if they are horrific to let others know that they are not alone.
      The police has started an investigation and keeps an eye out. I hope that they will catch him, but I didn’t get a very good look at him because I was too busy struggling.
      Sometimes I think that the things I’ve been through are the reason I’m able to cope easier with these kinds of events than someone who never experienced this before. It’s hell and of course it hurts me, but at the same time I’m glad that he got me instead of some 15 year old girl. I’m already damaged. Does that sound strange?
      Anyways, I’m almost all better now and can concentrate on the fun aspects of life again!
      Thank you so much for your kind words.
      Lots of love and Hugz ❤

      Reply

      • It doesn’t sound strange at all. I believe everything happens the way it does, for a reason, good or bad. I just wish this bad thing, happened to you or anyone. I think it’s great that you have done kickboxing too.

      • I tried a self-defense course once, but as he used me as a guinea pig and flipped me over and down on the floor and it hurt me, i never went back again.

      • I can imagine!
        What an awful way of learning someone something. 😦
        I did kickboxing for fun, the training gives you a great condition.
        Because of my health, I can’t do it anymore but I’m glad that I remember the basics.
        Hugz & Love ❤

      • Hi Patty, it’s great you learnt it. I can’t do stuff like that either, I have Fibro, although manage it really well and completely quirkily. I can even go clubbing occasionally.

  2. I am so, so sorry to read this, Patty. My phone service has been off for a while and I use my phone for the Internet/blogging so I haven’t been seeing as many e-mails and updates for blogs, it’s back on now and I noticed I haven’t been seeing updates for your blog and thought it’s probably because I don’t see everything on my phone but I just saw your post. My heart goes out to you and I wish you love, strength, and healing. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone and I wish I could take away the trauma/distress/pain for you, even if I had to endure it myself. I hope this devastating incident won’t aggravate your ptsd and I wish you much strength to cope. This tragedy would be hard for anyone to endure but even worse for people prone to anxiety/panic. I hope it brings you even just a small sense of consolation to know so many people are thinking of you with love and empathy. ❤ Also, it's great that you are able to use creative writing as an outlet for expressing your horror and pain. Not only is it creative but a true emotional strength to have the courage to write about it like this and share it with the world. You are a true inspiration.

    Reply

  3. Dear Patty,
    I just happened to stumble upon your blog and was welcomed by this heart breaking and upsetting story. The False Prophet, however False he may be, does not agree with violence and abuse of any kind. Bruises heal faster than the psyche. Take good care of yourself and, please, keep on blogging in a free world.
    – The False Prophet

    Reply

    • Thank you so much.
      I’m sorry that this is the post that you stumble upon.
      I wish it was a better post.
      But I will be writing again soon, when I have healed.
      Lots of Love,
      Patty

      Reply

      • Dear Patty,
        You do not have to be sorry. I am glad to have stumbled upon it and hope to be reading more of yo soon, whether it be positive or negative. Just write and let those words flow like coins from a candybox. Keep on blogging in a free world.
        – The False Prophet

  4. I’m so sad to learn about this, Patty. I’m sending you love, healing thoughts and loving kindness. Take time for yourself. Healing will come. I’ll pray that your attacker is caught and dealt with as he should be. Peace, sweet child.

    Reply

  7. I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you will feel better soon. Take your time, rest up and do what you have to do to get through. All things must pass. Easy for me to say, I know, but you will learn to cope. Good luck and God bless.

    Cheers

    MTM

    Reply

  8. Just a quick word to let you know that people within my community wish to express their kind thoughts towards you. We are all here for you Patty. In our thoughts, prayers and although we cannot comfort you in person, we all strive to comfort you in spirit.

    Reply

  12. Some of us fully understand you or at least, almost, Patty. I was attacked physically by people I knew and trusted. I have ptsd. I can’t tell you what will work or won’t. Just know I am sending you every good wish for your healing in your own way. So glad to see you take time for yourself. ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply

  13. On behalf of men everywhere I apologise. It wasn’t a real man did this. Real men have respect for women. He’s not an animal either since I wouldn’t insult animals. He’s a pathetic object who needs hunting down and putting away for a very , very long time.
    I hope you soon recover from the ordeal though I suspect you won’t easily forget it. I’m truly very sorry.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Reply

    • Thank you for your kind words.
      But don’t worry, I will never be defeated. I just need some rest and it’s hard to compose poetry with a concussion.
      After I heal and found my strength again, I will be back.
      Lots of Love,
      Patty

      Reply

  16. Patty, if you need someone to correspond with in confidence while you work through this, my email is L Kaminski yahoo com. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. There’s no need to respond to this comment, just know I am available, and know you are welcome to be in touch if it would be helpful. much love, with all my heart, Laura

    Reply

  20. Well done for escaping. Understandable that you want to retreat and recover. However, sometimes attack is the best form of defence. It may help you to regain equilibrium to go on the offensive against rapists. Either in a campaign group to tighten penalties, or in a martial arts course, or simply by finding and chatting with those who have been through similar – or worse – experiences.

    Reply

  23. You never have to apologise for something so terrible, Patty. Hope you find the healing you need and look forward to seeing you again soon.

    Reply

  27. I’m so sorry, Patty. You look after yourself and don’t worry about us. We’ll be here when you return. xo

    Reply

  32. There are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am that this happened to you, my babygirl. Instead of giving you some comfort, it took me into a downwards spiral back to memorylane. Hold on, you are strong, just as I am. Hugs Marijke

    Reply

  33. Get to a therapist as soon as possible. I swear I never thought that stuff happens in more civilized parts of the world but i’m naive I suppose. Be good to yourself… Peace.

    Reply

  34. Patty, I pray for you. Police! Police Report. Find & arrest the monster. Your area needs a “Neighborhood Watch Patrol.” NO MORE PARK WALKS ALONE. PERIOD. Distraught for you…..Phil

    Reply

  38. XxHugsXx IDear Patty, I am horrified to hear of your ordeal, good on you for fighting back, I hope you.will be ok, sending you mmany loving blessings, I hope the police can catch the thing ( sorry can’t say person), that did this to you. Take care, my thoughts are with you. Good luck with your recovery. I’m sure there will be much love and many blessings comming your way xxHugsXx

    Reply

  39. Oh God…hope you’re okay now Patty. Please file a report with the police if you’ve not done so, he may target other women too. This guy needs to be put away in jail fast.

    Hugs,

    Vijay

    Reply

  40. Patty, Your courage just in writing this speaks volumes about the Strength of your Spirit. Know first and foremost that You Are Loved, far more than any physical love can ever express. You are a Light for others and that Light Shines Bright and beautiful. Know as well that We who Love you, will pray, send positive energy and hold you close in our thoughts until you Heal and are ready to return. Lastly, Know that you will be missed. Blessings of Healing to You my Friend. ❤

    Reply

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