Hey everyone! 🙂
Before I begin with my usual monthly update post, I would like to take a moment to review 2014.
This year has been a rollercoaster for me in every way!
I am beginning to understand that this year has changed me in ways so I can never go back to the person I was before. And that’s actually a good thing! I wasn’t myself for a lot of years, but I know that I am getting there…
April has always been an awful month to me. It’s the month that my PTSD tortures me the most.
But this April, two of my books got published and that, my friends, is a dream come true!
So, April was both a great and an awful month this year for me. Lol.
With the publication of books come some things I wasn’t fully prepared for.
Or maybe I should say, I wasn’t prepared for it at all! Lol!
Because of all that I have been through (jeez, that actually sounds kinda sad. I don’t mean it like that!) I have built some walls around myself. To defend and protect against more pain and suffering. Now, that isn’t that bad because it keeps you alive and helps you struggle through.
But after some time, those walls are so high and thick, they’re almost impossible to break down.
And when they break down, they don’t do this quietly…
My walls started to crumble ever since I started writing on this blog. But this last year, they fell more rapidly.
I was forced out of my comfort zone a lot of times this year. Like with the signing sessions for example. Speaking to people I don’t know. People taking pictures of me and wanting to shake my hand. I don’t like to be touched by strangers at all!
Or with the award I won for my Dutch fantasy novel. Being on stage, all eyes on me.
Those are the things that actually make me shiver!
Besides this, I learn more and more how to show my feelings. Not just through my writings, but also with my friends and family. This takes some real courage for me, because I am used to keep it all inside and always pretend to be ‘Fine’.
Telling someone that you are in fact not always ‘Fine’ or tell someone you miss or love them… Horror!!! But I do it. Even when it scares me to death, I do it.
The reason I decided to break down the walls (yes, this is in fact a decision you have to make) is because I want to grow. And I want to be me. The real me. I want to make my dreams come true. Life is too short to be trapped behind walls.
Yes, it’s a risk to take down those walls and let your true feelings show.
But I am starting to realize that it doesn’t matter. Even with the walls up, I still got hurt sometimes. So why not give it my all and enjoy life as much as I can?
And now, if I get hurt in the progress… I know I can take it. I survived worse and it only makes me stronger.
And so I will Love and Care and Show who I am! I will leave my comfort zone more and more. But gradually. I need time to adjust lol. 😉
So, don’t be scared my friends! Break out off your comfort zone and make 2015 the most magical year yet!
Anyways, on to my goals for this month!
- Take some time to relax. (no, really lol)
- Work on the final version of my second fantasy novel
- Prepare a book trailer for my fantasy novel
- Make a poetry clip
2015 has begun guys! Let it be awesome!
Lots of Love,