Some people compliment me with my courage and strength. And I guess that I am a ‘strong person’ after all that I had to deal with.
But I have my weaknesses like everyone else.
Especially after a day like today, when so many people are forced to let go of their loved ones.
It makes me miss the ones I lost too.
I am a very loyal person and I don’t give up on the people I love, no matter how hard times get. I can handle a lot!
But I am learning that I am an exception in this and I am learning it the hard way.
And I don’t want to learn!
Stop giving me lessons I don’t want to learn.
I have received them. Thank you.
Now, leave me alone because I will do what I want anyway.
I just can’t understand how some people treat ‘Love’ like it’s an option. If you ever lost someone, and I mean the way that someone is brutally taken away from you, you would never do that.
Of course sometimes you are just slowly drifting apart.
Someone you love grows into another direction and you just don’t have that much to talk about anymore. That’s alright. And I can handle that. Friends for a season, you both go your own way.
But if you have a real connection with someone, spend a lot of time together, support them, love them with all of your heart and suddenly there is only this deafening silence left…
No. I can’t understand that and I don’t handle it that great either.
You send messages and try to reach out, wondering what happened.
Did you do something wrong? Why isn’t your loved one answering anymore? What the F*ck happened???
I guess that because I have PTSD and have abandonment issues, I am always scared of this. I lost too much to handle losing people very well.
I am careful who I trust and love, but when I do start to love someone, it’s with all of my heart and soul. I don’t know how to love any other way.
Love is a promise, and not just between lovers, but between friends just as well.
But people just leave. Without a reason, without a warning, they just leave.
I hate that.
It hurts and makes me untrusting of the ones that stay with me. Are they going to leave me too? Do they even really love me? Are they really my friends or just pretending?
Giving a hell of a show before the curtain falls?
Do not say that you love me if you don’t mean it. Do not make promises you can’t keep. Because apparently I am stupid enough to believe it!
I hate goodbyes that are never said.
It’s fine if you want to leave, I will never force anyone to stay in my life. But at least man up and have the dignity to say goodbye so I know where I stand.
I mean, how hard can it be?
‘I am sorry, but I just don’t want to be friends with you anymore. Goodbye’.
Easy huh? Just takes some courage, that’s all.
And I promise that I will let you leave without standing in your way. Hell! I will even keep the bloody door open for you!
But don’t let me stand here, hoping, questioning, doubting myself…
Just say goodbye, so I can move on.
Lots of love