80 comments on “Break Down

  1. Healing comes with love… I can show this to you in many of my posts – the most scientific one that demonstrates the healing in miraculous fashion is this one:

    The healing occurs because of mindfulness preparations

    see also:

    mindful meditation changes cells… I have other posts too – the science really places the miracle making into our own grasp — if you have support groups for example the power of the healing may be amplified like in the cancer healing (Braden video)

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  4. Believe it or not I can relate to all of those steps from some time or other in my life. Good thing is, you have an outlet…this blog and people who care. Good lucks Patty, darling. 🙂

  5. I hope you find some peace sweetie. This battle rages in too many these days. Thank you for your courage of sharing this, it will help those with PTSD to know there are others fighting similar fights and those without to try to understand. Gentle hugs Patty. 🙂

    • Thank you Donna.
      I never allow PTSD get me down for too long, but it sure is a hell of a battle!
      I hope people will benefit from my story. Even if I can only help one person, it will be worth it!
      Love & Hugz ❤

  6. I so very much can relate to this post today frum u 🙂 First off a big visible! feelable HUG fer when u see it frum da’ Q here, I tried this am to post how i feel bout my PTSD with jest one EVENT out of the many horrifying events in my life to PTSD bout and well i got slammed again thanks to u patty fer reading it and liking it, i so do appreciate U this day! Sumtimes we need more than jest Luck 🙂 glad u got the knowledge to do the next best thing and be the very best woman U can be no matter what! Jest keep on bein’ U an keep on keepin one day at a time sweet woman! peace-out! Q

  7. Patty – PTSD is not fun to fight with, I know and with you will be able to take away your mask by time. It is very tough work, but worth it. At least to be able to be yourself without the mask sometimes.
    We all need to learn to ask for help and be able to receive it. It is not weakness Patty, it is to stay strong enough and recognize that we do need other people in our lives.
    It is tough to lose souls as we love and you need to give yourself time to say goodbuy and thank you for these time, you have had together. At least you have some nice memories.
    Good luck Patty.
    Love an a big hug, Irene

  8. I also have PTSD and the effects can really vary. I am now seeing a neurologist and am in a study. You can get through this. You are an amazing person. Hugs, Barbara

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  10. Im not going to write the things people always say to you. Just know they are true and that I’m here if you need an ear 🙂 Sending my love and prayers

  11. You will be ok x You have been here, you know what will happen, you are stronger than you know. Realize this is a moment and then you will enjoy the next good moment. All life is, is moments. As I sit here now I reflect on the good and bad, the bad hurt, the good make me smile. Because I know bad moments will come I am better prepared. And also I strive for better moments more..

    Chin up hon x

  12. Patty. Yes, I wish you luck & love to hold you strong without that mask. You define the absence of “the mask” as losing the “ability to shut down your feelings.” That reminds me of the middle school (grades 6,7,8, ages 11-13) guidance program, “On Becoming A Person,” in which adolescents are brought in touch with their emotions & how to deal with them. Sounds like growing up time for you, Patty. So many people around you love you & you just have to “buck up,” hang tough for those around you. Love is a two way street & you can’t let those around you down. Again, you said to wish you luck. Luck is recognizing an opportunity & taking advantage of it. Find the opportunity in this situation, moment of your life, & make the best of it for those you love. I don’t even know what that calls for is your present situation, but you do. And doing that may not be as hard as you thought. It may just be “staying the course” & being “the rock” for those you love. Love, love, love, Patty. It’s all we have worth anything. Phil

  13. It’s ok to cry! Have compassion on your suffering. It’s easy to have it for others but on your suffering you feel you don’t deserve it. Be good to yourself..

  14. These symptoms, dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, going numb, what I call “golem mode”, whatever you want to call it, they are tools. We developed them because we had to, and they still function to protect us and to allow us to function. The only decent therapist I ever had told me that what I had to learn was not how to make the mechanisms go away, because they never will, but how to use them.

    I deal with things in small doses, process a bit, go into howling time when I have to, and keep my mask and my armor close by. As time goes by I find that I can handle more, but I can’t afford to lose the insulation. As disturbing as it might be to those around me (and like you, I have a few who truly love me, even though I can’t feel it) what’s under the mask is worse. Much, much worse.

  15. ❤ Hang in there sweetie. I can't possibly imagine what you have to deal with but I found this inspiring quote which I hope can help you:
    A Bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings. Always believe in yourself.

    I wish I could help you hun, I really do so if you ever are in need for a pair of fresh ears to talk to let me know and we go on skype or something. the offer stands regardless if you want to take up on it today, in a year or whenever and if you don't need or want it thats fine too.

  16. I don’t know if it helps. But you aren’t alone. Taking off that mask is like taking your clothes off and walking down the center line of the freeway. You just want to curl up in a ball to hide your shame. I understand. I’m so sorry for all you’re dealing with. Wishing you much peace and comfort.

  17. Times like these, the distance between even acquaintances seems to dissolve. Wishing you strength during this time Patty and know that your courage in sharing your words helps us who are in the trenches too. Sending much love and hugs. K~xo

  18. Patty, this is expressed extremely well — while you may “stand alone” as many with PTSD do, when you keep the mask off, and express yourself frankly through your blog like this, you’re doing several very important things:
    –you are giving those without PTSD some level of insight, so that they are better able to understand and respond more appropriate to members of their community who have PTSD
    –you are opening up so that others who do have PTSD can recognize that they are not (as they often feel themselves to be) “the only ones”
    –you are not only keeping the mask off for one more day when you post like this, but you are giving some deeper level of meaning to the suffering by sharing it in a way that it can become an insight, a reassurance, and a gift to others.
    Salaam. I wish you the best, today, for April, always.

  19. All you can do is continue to fight while surrounding yourself in love. I’m so happy that despite the blackness of the moment you are reaching out in your own way to stem the tide. I’ll keep your struggles in my heart and send warmest wishes to sustain you in your battle. X

  20. Good luck and know if there is anything I can do, no matter what, I’m here. Sending hugz your way Ms. Patty. ~♥~ ʚ(ˆ◡ˆ)ɞ ~♥~

  21. I’m here for you, dear sis!! Hang in there …. I promise, at the risk of sounding cliche, it will get better. Somehow, sometime … know you have us!! I’m here and I have a big ear and a huge heart full of love for you!! ❤ ….

  22. Lots o’ luck, but honestly the thing that works the best is time. Just be patient with yourself. The world will not come to an end if you cry. No one will be hurt if you cry. Patty, time will help you.

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